Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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