You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
