I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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