you told grandpa to call you daddy
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
