Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
