remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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