jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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