The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
