at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize