I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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