I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
