i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
