So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
