Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
