I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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