My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
