I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
