I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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