my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
