Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
