just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
