Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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