I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
