Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
