We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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