What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
