we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
