you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
