We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize