My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
