i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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