wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
