im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
