Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
