Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
