she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
