woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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