I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
sex in a hospital.. check
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
