He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
