The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
