I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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