You're so nebulous sometimes
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
