he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
