One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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