Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
