Why is your signature on my underwear?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
