after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
