just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
