I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
