I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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