Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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