I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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