I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
