That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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