Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
hell yes lets make some ravioli
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
