Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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