Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
