i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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