i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
my being single is dangerous.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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