i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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