ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize