Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
