Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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