using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
