At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
