3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
my poor anus
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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