i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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