She's JV to your varsity
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
