I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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