Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
