On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
