just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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