I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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