I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
