if i can run in heels then i can drive
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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