So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
