who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
