I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
