I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
