thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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