I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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