I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
