nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
