Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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