Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
