I heard we made out
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
handjob tips. give me some.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
