ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
