Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
