my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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