This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
