if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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