Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
