my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
