Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
