Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
