She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
