I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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