smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
