I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
