I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize