my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
