you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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