ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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