A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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